Dear married couple,
Many congratulations in getting married! May Allah bless your marriage, shower His mercy upon you and fill your marriage with tranquility, Aameen.
Along your marriage journey you will learn new things and various ways of dealing with each other.
One of the best advice I received when I got married was:
"Marriage is what you make of it", you are in control and free will to do whatever you can possibly do. But remember, you need to put the interest of both of you as a priority.
One of the best words I heard as an advise was "accommodate." Accept who your spouse is and what they bring as an individual to the marriage. They may have a certain interest such as in food, a particular colour they like, dietary need, employment, style of cooking, words they use according to their own culture etc. This doesn't mean you accept their negative traits nor do you accept if someone goes against Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam. This is something that you can work together to improve inshaAllah.
'Accommodating' is opposed to the common word that is often used in marriage advice which is 'compromise'. I personally don't like this as there is no sincerity. Compromise can even give a negative impression too.
Lower your expectations as expecting something from someone who isn't that, will make it extremely difficult for your marriage to work. Learn and grow together.
1. Be like Rasulullah Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam, always think what would Rasulullah Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam do
2. Have sabr, sometimes within a moment where you are not happy or upset or annoyed, making a decision there and then can be detrimental. Think if it's worth saying anything or even think of what to say.
3. Communicate; always important to talk. Not just text or WhatsApp but talk face to face. Don't ever argue over text messaging. Help each other to pluck up the courage to speak to each other about any issues.
4. Be considerate; think of why and when they may have said or done something. Was it straight after waking up, or coming back from work, during menses etc?
5. Remember they are YOUR spouse; Be grateful and supportive.
You may want to reach the peak of a mountain, but remember you will need to deal with the cold and fog. The journey is long, with many challenges on the way. Be their companion on this journey. If they do something wrong advice them.
Be kind. Be courteous. Smile when you come home and smile when they come home.
Ignore people who want to destroy your marriage knowingly or unknowingly. People will make comments like 'now you know how I feel', or 'has s/he given you a headache yet'. Be nice to your spouse even in their absence. Don't make jokes about them, especially those they won't like to hear themselves. Don't ever undermine your spouse in their absence regardless of who it is you're speaking to.
Never ask for your rights. Never demand that they do the housework. Ask for help but don't demand it. Explain things that your spouse may not know. Don't harbor ill feelings and hate in your heart. Mentally and spiritually it's detrimental to you.
Be nice to their family and be considerate. Don't come in between their family and them. Remember they still have rights. Be nice to your in-laws, especially your mother in-law. She will challenge you. She will make it difficult, but bear it with patience. Don't talk back to her. And don't talk ill of her to your spouse. Raise your concerns with courtesy.
Always make Dua for each other. Try to eat together, have tea together.
Marriage is beautiful, it depends on how you beautify it.
Yours sincerely,
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