Below is a few tips I compiled. Of course there is a lot to say, but I hope you can benefit from this whilst looking for a spouse.
1. LEARN THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE
Often people get married saying it's Sunnah. But what is the real purpose of marriage? Marriage has a few purposes.
Fulfil a command of Allah:
"Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous" (Quran 24:32)
Half of Imaan:
"When the servant of Allah marries, he has fulfilled half the (responsibilities laid on him by the) faith; so let him be God conscious with respect to the other half". (Mishkat)
A Sunnah:
"Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever disregards my (sunnah) path is not from among us." (ibn Majah)
Practice of the Prophets (Alyhiwasallam):
"We indeed sent messengers before you (O Muhammad), and We assigned them wives and children" (Quran 13:38)
Continuation of the Human race:
"O mankind! Be careful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them has spread abroad a multitude of men and women" (Quran: 4:1).
Companionship:
"And of His signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, therein indeed are portents for folk who reflect". (Quran 30:21)
To have a Halal relationship with the opposite gender:
Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes from casting (evil glances). and preserves one from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting for it is a means of controlling sexual desire. (Muslim)
And many other things. I haven't listed everything as I just wanted to give you an idea.
2. DEVELOP YOUR GOOD CHARACTER
Your character will be of immense importance in marriage. It would be the difference between staying married or not. It would make a big difference to bringing peace and tranquility to your marriage. How you respond, how you act, how you say things will affect your marriage either positively or negatively. The best to emulate in good character is Rasulullah Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam
Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “I have been sent to perfect good character.”
Source: al-Muwaṭṭa’ 1614
Get ready to respect your spouse. They're human, servants of Allah and the child of another couple. Showing disrespect will not only damage you but them too and eventually your marriage.
3. BE GRATEFUL
When you express gratitude to Allah, Allah will increase you. He promised this. Be thankful for the many things you have been blessed with. Thank Allah with verbally, physically by worshipping, staying away from sin etc.
"And ˹remember˺ when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more. But if you are ungrateful, surely My punishment is severe.’” Surah Ibrahim Verse 7
Whilst you may not have marriage in your life, you have other things to be grateful for.
4. MAKE DUA
With anything in life we should make Dua. Allah is always hearing us. Never stop making Dua.
Here's three Du'as that helped me personally:
DUA 1:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Transliteration: rabbana hablana min azwaajina wa dhuriyyatina qurrata A’yunin waj’alna lil- muttaqina imama
“Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace) to lead the righteous.”
Surah Al-Furqan Verse 74
DUA 2:
وَمِنْهُم مَّن يَقُولُ رَبَّنَا آتِنَا فِي الدُّنْيَا حَسَنَةً وَفِي الْآخِرَةِ حَسَنَةً وَقِنَا عَذَابَ النَّارِ
Transliteration: Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan, wa fil-akhirati hasanatan, wa qina ‘adhab-annar
"Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the chastisement of the fire."
Surah Al-Baqara, Verse 201
DUA 3:
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
"My Lord! surely I stand in need of whatever good Thou mayest send down to me."
Surah Al-Qasas, Verse 24
(This particular Dua Prophet Musa Alyhiwasallam read when he was greatly in need. Allah blessed him with a wife and job thereafter! It's worth noticing from the verse that he made the Dua after being in service of two women who needed to give water to their sheep, one of whom he later got married to. Perhaps be in the service of others too.)
Also, make Du'a for your future spouse (whoever they are and wherever they maybe!) because that's the best gift you can give them. You're gonna live together and it's particularly harder on the woman when she moves in with the man (sometimes in his family home).
5. TAHAJJUD
If you really want it you'll pray Tahajjud for it. Push yourself to wake up and pray at least 2 rakah thereafter make a sincere Dua to Allah.
Try to make this a regular practice and don't forget this after marriage too.
6. EXPECTATION
When looking for a spouse make sure you have a low expectation particularly in the worldly sense. Don't look at Hollywood and Bollywood for the ideal spouse. Don't look at other couples as your standard. But this doesn't mean you don't have a decent expectation of someone.
You might see a couple on social media going on holidays or giving each other gifts everyday, but that doesn't mean it'll be the same for you. You are in control to make your marriage worthwhile. What you see online is only a small percentage of their lifestyle. Once the camera stops rolling who knows what is happening.
Don't expect that you're gonna walk into marriage and hold your spouses hands and do Tasbih together and wake up for Tahajjud every day and learn Tajweed together etc. etc. Don't listen to quotes such as 'Marry someone who will wake you up for Fajr!' All of these can just be a person day dreaming and you can get disappointed if it doesn't happen like that.
Marriage is what you make of it. Now, it doesn't mean that you and your spouse don't do the above, of course help each other to worship Allah and it'll definitely benefit your marriage, your closeness to Allah and your hereafter. Just be realistic of expectations.
7. FINANCE
Be financially stable for marriage, especially if you are a man as you are responsible to take care of your wife's needs. Don't just save up for your wedding day but for your marriage life. Spend on essential needs as well as meaningful gifts, trips etc. And for the woman you can also invest in your marriage by saving up and using it to gift your husband and buy things for the household if you like.
Narrated Abu Mas'ud Al-Ansari: Rasulullah Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam said, "When a Muslim spends something on his family intending to receive Allah's reward it is regarded as Sadaqa for him." (Bukhari)
8. HONOUR YOUR PARENTS
Show respect and kindness to your parents, it's highly likely your own children will show respect and kindness towards you.
“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age (while) with you, say not to them (so much as), “uff”, and do not repel them but speak to them a noble world.” (QS. Al-Isra : 23)
“And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up (when i was) small.” (QS. Al-Isra : 24)
Get their blessings and Duas for your marriage. Listen to your parents for guidance, learn from them. They might not always be correct but they have more experience in life than you.
If your parents are not alive, remember them often, make Dua for them and do good deeds on their behalf. This will certainly benefit too.
Be prepared to be kind to each others parents.
9. READ THE SEERAH:
A lot of how you need to live your marriage life is from the Sunnah and life of Rasulullah Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam. The best example is him and his spouses and the Sahabah. The Seerah and Sunnah is the best tool you can have to strengthen your marriage.
Although he was a prophet, Rasulullah Sallallahu Alyhiwasallam was the perfect and ideal husband too. Look at the way he dealt with his wives. And look at how they were with him.
10. LEARN:
There are countless books and lectures out there to benefit from. Make use of your time now learn how to make your marriage worthwhile. Aside Islamic literature, one thing I'll suggest is for you to look into the works of Gary Chapman. He has few different books and articles that'll be of immense benefit inshaAllah.
Also, learn about yourself. Try some online personal development and marriage quizzes to see what type of person you are. Here's one for you:
Love Language
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language
I hope this was of benefit to you, please make Du'a for me and my marriage and family as the angels will say Aameen to your Du'as too.
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